


Over My Dead Body

by oddeyesight



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 17:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4401281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddeyesight/pseuds/oddeyesight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which you find out that people think you are a dick, only you almost realized this just a tad bit too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over My Dead Body

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw this film one time, and thought that the main character reminded me too much of Eridan. I own neither Homestuck nor the movie "Over my dead body". Also, credits to MM(Ms Ozma) for being a fantastic editor! :D

You open your eyes, and you don't remember jack shit.

You know neither who you are, nor where you are. Well...actually, you're in a public park, and you can see the sign saying "WELCOME TO DREAMBUBBLE PARK" easily to your right. But you don't know where Dreambubble Park is, and you sure as hell don't know how you ended up in it.

You roam around in the park, looking at the surroundings, and try to remember. You fail at remembering, but you find another person who's strolling with wide steps in the park. You hurry to him, saying: "Excuse me, but do you know where this par-"

The man strolls past you, without looking at you.

You stop in your tracks, insulted by the slight. "Hey!" you yell as you start running to him. "Do you realize how fuckin' rude it is to ignore people like that?!"

The man continues strolling, proving that he doesn't. Or maybe he does, and he's trying to be rude to you on purpose.

"Well, fuck you too!" You tell the retreating back of the man as you decide to go ask another person.

You find another person when you walk to the west, but are again ignored when you try asking her. You stomp away angrily after yelling at her and try asking someone else, only to be ignored yet again.

And again.

And again.

_And again._

You change your tactics when someone's dog barks loudly and tries to attack you when you approach. The people of this park are obviously assholes, or have collectively agreed to ignore you because of some mysterious grudge they have against you, so you leave the park to find good souls who aren't on to the whole fuckery in that park.

It is afternoon when you leave the park in search for human company.

The park turns out to be close to the corniche of the river, and you walk along it and try to talk to the people who came to see the view. None of them turn away from the view when you talk to them.

"Why is nobody talking to me?!" you ask yourself through gritted teeth.

It is dusk when you leave the corniche.

You go to the big streets, staying on the sidewalk and yelling for any taxi driver to come to you, which they don't. You glare darkly at each car's retreating back, promising yourself that you'll never use a taxi when you regain your memory. _Fucking unreliable asshats…_

It is night when you see a little kiosk on the side walk.

You approach it, seeing the cashier inside. You call out to him and say: "Excuse me."

He doesn't respond, and starts counting his earnings for the day.

"Hey, excuse me!" You shout at him.

He keeps counting his money.

"Excuse me, please..." you say feebly, but it’s no use.

You leave later, noting that it is too dark now, and you start searching for a spot to sleep in. That is later foiled when you try to sleep in the spot you chose until some man came to the spot you were in to pee in it, as if you weren't sitting there, not able to sleep!

You realize that amazingly you didn't ever feel tired or sleepy since you came to, but only after getting the fuck away from the spot the man peed on.

You keep walking aimlessly to the next day, with no one talking to you still, and you somehow end up in Dreambubble Park again. The only person in the park now is an old man with an odd mustache and  jade green eyes, who was walking in the opposite direction to you.

You pass by him, saying a feeble: "Good morning."

The man nods his head, saying: "Good morning to you too."

You both keep on walking for a moment, before a moment of recognition hits the two of you, causing you both to pause.

You blink and turn to him uncertainly, saying again: "Good morning...?"

"Good morning!" The man says as he sits abruptly on a nearby bench, shocked and elated.

You close the distance between you both in a second. "You can hear me?"

"Can you hear _me_?"

"You can see me?!"

"Can you see _me_?!"

"Of course I can!" you say. "You think I'm talkin' to thin air?"

He smiles from ear to ear. "Good golly, by Jove!" The old man says. "I had almost lost the hope that I would find any human to talk with me ever again!"

"Why?" You ask. "Does no one else see you or hear you either?"

"Yes. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember...since I kicked the bucket, anyhoo."

"Since you kicked the bucket?" your brain screeches to a halt, failing to comprehend his meaning. "Kicked the bucket how? I don't understand. Why would you kick a bucket?"

"No no," the old man says amicably. "Since I _kicked the bucket_.  You know...ceased to be?  Started pushing up daisies?  Took the big sleep?  Rode the pale horse to the Texas catwalk?"

You back away from him, the horrifying meaning of his words sinking in. "You're... _dead?!_ "

"Why of course," the old man says with certainty.  He brings himself up and moves toward you. "And surely...you're also dead. Right?"

"No!" you say hastily, with your own certainty.  "I'm not dead. I’m alive!”

"If you were alive," he begins, "then why does nobody see you or hear you?"

"You just said that you see and hear me! Didn't you confirm that moments ago?"

"Yes, but I’ve _expired_ , son. That means we are both dead."

"I'm still alive!" You snap at him. "Obviously I’m just seein’ ghosts or some shit! You may have kicked the bucket, but I didn't!"

"But you certainly did!" he says. Then, in an almost insulting gesture, he pinches your cheeks. "Welcome, fellow bucket-kicker!” he continues, laughing gleefully. “You've gone and croaked my lad, hee hee!"

"Take your hand off me!" you snarl and slap said him away. "You must be messin' with me! I'm not dead!"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" he says, grabbing your arm. "Listen here ol’ sport: come with me and I'll prove to you that you truly died and kicked the bucket."

He starts pulling you. "Let go of me!" You say and pull away from him, before you follow him as he walks happily down the corniche.

~~

You’re surprised to see he leads you to a barber.

"So," he says triumphantly, "are you sure now?"

"Sure?" you snort. "Sure of what, exactly? Did you bring me here to show me a barber shavin' someone's head?"

"What does the barber have to with anything?" he says impatiently. "Just look at the mirror, ol’ chap!"

You look...and freeze.

Because you are standing next to the customer chair, yet nothing appears next to the chair in the mirror.


End file.
